Down with women chauvinism!
The feminist movement has done miracles in empowering women and demanding equality with men. Over the last couple of decades (with arrival of 'third wave feminism') women have been striving to be assertive about their own sexuality-take ownership of it. Advice that tells women to act like men and not be so stereotypically girly is archaic. There is a growing re-acknowledgement of the differences between men and women, and an understanding that difference does not mean unequal. Women are taking ownership of stereotypes to celebrate their womanhood. And more power to them. However, my beef with the feminist movement is- intentionally or unintentionally- it stays silent during the persecution of men. It gives a pseudo-authorization for harassing masculinity. Its narrative of gender issue is so one-sided that women take what they want and leave men short-changed. I shall elaborate.
If generalization is wrong then it must to be wrong for both sexes. Yet, it's a social blasphemy to herd women into the shed of generalization, but it's okay to do so with men. Say "Women are such bitches" in public and radical feminists will call for your castration. Say "Men are such assholes" and you get nodding heads and laughter. Does that sound fair?
Women are encouraged to celebrate their sexuality but when men do the same evolution is questioned and concerns about our hidden animalistic nature are expressed. Men suffer from the contradictory roles society expects. On one hand men are expected to act calm under stress, not be afraid of danger, kill wanton insects, and act chivalrous while on the other, manly things are to be avoided. Male camaraderie through aggressive competition is discouraged. What was once a noble exercise of wit and passion is shunned for the fear of being mistaken for a fight. If a man chooses to keep his emotions to himself, make light-hearted quip about romance or spend a day watching a football game with his mates he's branded as an emotional retard who has no feelings what so ever.
Society is far more lenient towards women who do the stereotypically manly things when compared to when men do the stereotypically female activities. The roles society has heaped on us can be flaunted by women under thunderous applause, but it's a big no-no for men to do so. Women have a choice in defining their sexuality while men are bound by their gender- and here lies all the difference. Society comes to the defense of the woman's right to choose. The options for men are disposable.
Another contradiction in the roles assigned to men is that we are expected, in times of adversity, to act like heroes, while simultaneously being branded as 'potential rapists'. We (speaking on behalf of most of my sex) find this accusation disgusting! We will not we treated as creatures to be wary off, something to avoid at night. We put our foot down. And if this continues start killing your own damned cockroaches!
At the institutional level as well, men continue to be discriminated against. Adoption rights, divorce laws, laws regarding domestic violence are all tilted in favor of women. Domestic violence against women when brought to the limelight gets all the deserved sympathy and legal protection; domestic violence against men (yes, it exists) is dismissed as a joke.
While rape is a horrendous crime and deserves to be punished by the most severe of laws, cases of false accusation don't do society any favors. A man who has been accused of rape is shunned by society and there are no laws protecting him from discrimination. Take the recent example of the former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn. O how the mighty fell!
Society needs to re-think some of the gender issues. I don't support women empowerment because I want to replace men chauvinism with women chauvinism; I support it because we can create a better world for both girls and boys by teaching them the truth about being a woman and being a man.
Having strong, independent and intelligent women in society, necessary though it is, cannot replace strong, independent and intelligent men. They must complement each other. Let's emphasize femininity for its own sake, and not as a revenge for masculinity.
Written for March Issue of Wave magazine
"Why can't a man be more like a woman" asks a friend of mine, as she whines about how her ex-boy friend has the emotional intelligence of a door knob. I sit back, and continue to sip tea. She then blabbers something about men being hyper sexual- emotionally retarded -hairy imbeciles. This irritates me "Okay, that's it girlie, you've gone too far! I will not sit back and see you stereotype my gender is such an unfair and ridiculous manner. Your generalization is pathetic!" I want to say, but don't. It wasn't the right time.
So, in an ironic twist of things I find myself writing about the criminalization of manliness for a women special issue of this magazine. But it is a discussion that needs to be had.
Any reasonable person will agree that women empowerment is vital to a healthy society. Statistics on how educated mothers have a positive multiplier effect on the community is no longer debatable. You cannot 'make the world a better place' by unjustly limiting half its population from fulfilling their potential. The need to appreciate women for their personhood has taken gigantic steps worldwide, yet more needs to be done. Child marriage, gender discrimination in the workplace, lack of access to health and violence are but few of the problems that ail women and need to be addressed with all seriousness. No arguments there.The feminist movement has done miracles in empowering women and demanding equality with men. Over the last couple of decades (with arrival of 'third wave feminism') women have been striving to be assertive about their own sexuality-take ownership of it. Advice that tells women to act like men and not be so stereotypically girly is archaic. There is a growing re-acknowledgement of the differences between men and women, and an understanding that difference does not mean unequal. Women are taking ownership of stereotypes to celebrate their womanhood. And more power to them. However, my beef with the feminist movement is- intentionally or unintentionally- it stays silent during the persecution of men. It gives a pseudo-authorization for harassing masculinity. Its narrative of gender issue is so one-sided that women take what they want and leave men short-changed. I shall elaborate.
If generalization is wrong then it must to be wrong for both sexes. Yet, it's a social blasphemy to herd women into the shed of generalization, but it's okay to do so with men. Say "Women are such bitches" in public and radical feminists will call for your castration. Say "Men are such assholes" and you get nodding heads and laughter. Does that sound fair?
Women are encouraged to celebrate their sexuality but when men do the same evolution is questioned and concerns about our hidden animalistic nature are expressed. Men suffer from the contradictory roles society expects. On one hand men are expected to act calm under stress, not be afraid of danger, kill wanton insects, and act chivalrous while on the other, manly things are to be avoided. Male camaraderie through aggressive competition is discouraged. What was once a noble exercise of wit and passion is shunned for the fear of being mistaken for a fight. If a man chooses to keep his emotions to himself, make light-hearted quip about romance or spend a day watching a football game with his mates he's branded as an emotional retard who has no feelings what so ever.
Society is far more lenient towards women who do the stereotypically manly things when compared to when men do the stereotypically female activities. The roles society has heaped on us can be flaunted by women under thunderous applause, but it's a big no-no for men to do so. Women have a choice in defining their sexuality while men are bound by their gender- and here lies all the difference. Society comes to the defense of the woman's right to choose. The options for men are disposable.
Another contradiction in the roles assigned to men is that we are expected, in times of adversity, to act like heroes, while simultaneously being branded as 'potential rapists'. We (speaking on behalf of most of my sex) find this accusation disgusting! We will not we treated as creatures to be wary off, something to avoid at night. We put our foot down. And if this continues start killing your own damned cockroaches!
At the institutional level as well, men continue to be discriminated against. Adoption rights, divorce laws, laws regarding domestic violence are all tilted in favor of women. Domestic violence against women when brought to the limelight gets all the deserved sympathy and legal protection; domestic violence against men (yes, it exists) is dismissed as a joke.
While rape is a horrendous crime and deserves to be punished by the most severe of laws, cases of false accusation don't do society any favors. A man who has been accused of rape is shunned by society and there are no laws protecting him from discrimination. Take the recent example of the former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn. O how the mighty fell!
Society needs to re-think some of the gender issues. I don't support women empowerment because I want to replace men chauvinism with women chauvinism; I support it because we can create a better world for both girls and boys by teaching them the truth about being a woman and being a man.
Having strong, independent and intelligent women in society, necessary though it is, cannot replace strong, independent and intelligent men. They must complement each other. Let's emphasize femininity for its own sake, and not as a revenge for masculinity.
Written for March Issue of Wave magazine
3 comments:
While I can’t disagree with your idea of female and male equality, I think you might over-simplify the inequality still present for women.
Men have been in the majority through all of history, and in contrast, women have been oppressed. To think there has been enough of a balance achieved even in the last 50 years is unfair to the women’s movement.
First, the generalizations you write of for women (bitches) hold behind them generations of oppression and inequality. While a male generalization (asshole) may look the same on the surface it does not hold the same weight. If generalizations could be taken only at face value, equality in response could be more easily achieved. Unfortunately we have not come quite that far yet.
Second, while it might be true that men have needed to emphasize the manly quality society admires (chivalry) and suppress those it admonishes (aggression) it is also unfair to say women are more accepted for the femininity. Professionally, women are expected to behave like men; not show emotion, even adopt male clothing (the power suit). For women there is a very fine line between “celebrating their sexuality” and being labeled a slut. Frequently that line is drawn with the majority of modern women falling more in the slut category. No man would be labeled so quickly.
It is more acceptable for women to behave “manly” than for men to behave feminine because it is more acceptable to be a man. Until society sees femininity and masculinity as equals, anyone behaving more like a male will be more societally acceptable, man or woman.
Third, While adoption and divorce laws may favor women, laws surrounding healthcare and wage equality still almost universally discriminate against them.
Finally, I cannot agree that men have the less from society where sexual abuse is concerned until society stops teaching women it is their fault for being sexually abused for what they wear and how they behave.
I agree with you that no one should discriminate against anyone else. However, I cannot agree that in society today, all things considered, men have very many disadvantages.
Thanks for your comment.
If the article in anyway trivializes discrimination faced by women then I assure you its due to my lack of writing skills and not my beliefs. Also, the article isn't about who faces more discrimination. The article was intended to say that men too face discrimination. Let's not get it wrong: male chauvinism exists and is very much a defining factor. But here is what I am saying: women chauvinism cannot be an answer for it. I hope i can clarify and address the issues you raise.
First, Generalizing men cannot be an answer or an appropriate reaction to generalizing women. Regardless of history and the discrimination women have/are facing supporting one while hunting the other doesn't make sense. Weight and historical significance is a non-issue here.
Second, women are indeed asked to be more manly in the work place. But I think that's wrong. Chivalry and aggression and holding own's emotions are not only a man's qualities,are they? Yes, I agree with you regarding dressing up as man...and the unfortunately fine line between slut and celebrating their sexuality. But the onus to speak against such stupidity and carry on regardless falls on (alas)women. But you do raise a very interesting point about : "Until society sees femininity and masculinity as equals, anyone behaving more like a male will be more socially acceptable, man or woman." Seems quite unfortunate that men cannot and will not express the stereotypical female qualities till "society sees femininity and masculinity as equals".
For your third and final point: one form of discrimination doesn't negate the other. And this is not a competition or a comparison on who gets the worse end of the stick. regarding sexual abuse though, of coarse women are victimized more..but the issue here is that male sexual abuse is also a issue..and is far less talked about and even romanticized. Also, a man accused of rape ( regardless of his guilt) is held as a culprit.
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