Here is some post-colonial thought for you

Here is some post-colonial thought for you
Stop telling me the past is past
And what happened happened, and that my life is better for it
Can’t you see what has been done
How I have changed because my father changed who changed because his father
was chained
because your great grandfather wanted us to be
like you
With your good morning maam’s and spoons and knifes
And A for apples and B for Ball
To civilize me …
Don’t you fucking tell me its ok.

Don’t you fucking tell me its ok
Because the fact that I am standing here
Spitting to you my anger
in a language that is not mine
That was not supposed to be mine…
in small town Missouri is not ok.
You cant see yourself in Kathmandu
Slamming in Nepali can you …

Don’t you fucking tell me to calm down
Cause you think the way are is the way to be
With your “its so funny you eat with your hands”
And its so funny you use water to clean your bums
and its so funny this and its so funny that
why the fuck are we the anomaly.
Is it because you wear a tie and a dress
And define freedom to mean
generating small talks about sex…
I refuse to be a victim of inferior conformity
especially if its shrouded in a fake veil of progress


And don’t you impose Kant and Smith and Marx on me
judging our lives
Through the bullshit in yours
And I am taught that they are great cause they knew
They knew my ass is what they knew
And fuck your materialism and capitalism
And while you are fucking fuck socialism too…

So don’t tell me colonization is over
cause its not
And I am a living proof.

Buddha: And the Problem with his citizenship

Fareed Zakaria in his book, “The Post-American World” claims that Buddha and Buddhism were born in India. Now if you know a Nepali or are one you are fully aware of how touchy this subject is. This incident like the Chadini Chowk to China saga and numerous other incidents are proof that Buddha is a subject Nepalis and Indians are, ironically, ready to pick on arms for.

Siddhartha Gautama (who after enlightenment became Buddha) was born in a place called Lumbini, in the principality of Kapilvastu to King Suddhodana of the Sakya clan. Having lived a good chunk of his life in Kapilvastu he decided to leave his royal privileges and responsibilities in search of the truth and be a mendicant. After years of meditating in the areas near the present day Northern India, Buddha attained Enlightenment under a Bodhi tree in Gaya( there is much more to the story but I have an assignment due in a couple of hours so pardon me if I don’t give the details).

In poor Buddha’s time there were no borders, and the fairly recent concept of the Indian state and the Nepalese state did not exist. However, when the present day border was drawn Lumbini became a part of Nepal. So Nepalis proudly claim Siddhartha Gautama and "Buddha" ( the man) to be born in present day Nepal. On the other hand Gaya is in India, and since Siddhartha Gautama did received enlightenment in Gaya, Buddhism and "buddha" ( the enlightened teacher) do find its birthplace in present day India. The problem also finds its roots in ancient texts which referred to the entire sub-continent region (east of the Indus) as the generic “India”. So when ancient texts state that Buddha was born in “India” they mean the sub-continent and not the present day India. India’s constant use of advertising itself as “Buddha Birthplace” as an effective tourist attracting mechanism and in its movies has not helped the situation either. Many Nepalis also take offense that a significant number of Indian historians have taken upon themselves to write history text books that claim Buddha to be born in India.

Not many people get the importance of Buddha to Nepal. The fact that Buddhas birthplace is in Nepal is a matter of great pride to us Nepali’s. Even though we are a Hindu dominated nation, Buddhas message and teachings is a part of everyone’s upbringing. The concepts of peace and live and let live is universal and it’s a shock when its abrupted, but for us Nepalis, Nepal being Buddhas birthplace is a justification wildly used and believed in to maintain peace in the country. Ask any Nepali on the street what she thinks of the violence and she will tell you that it’s a shame these acts of violence are happening in the place Buddha was born.

Nepal is going through a period when we are questioning our national identity. And we are doing so in a time when we see ourselves as having lagged behind our neighbors. The once proud Nepali does not have much to be proud of and if at such a moment its most cherished symbol as a nation is threatened it becomes a big issue. Buddha and Mt.Everest are symbols all Nepalis grow with and when someone else claims it it does hurt our pride. India borders Nepal in three directions and provides invaluable aid and assistance to Nepal. And by the virtue of being the bigger and more developed country it does take interest in Nepal’s politics. Further, it has also encroached on the Nepali border on several occasions, about which Nepal as of now (let’s face it) cannot do much, and this angers Nepali’s. By further proclaiming to the world that Buddha was born in India and not Nepal it indirectly attacks Nepal national identity and this is our problem. Therefore everytime someone in India claims that Buddha was born in India almost all Nepalis are hurt while some are ready to pick up arms.

Does it matter where Buddha was born? Personally, I have to say no, it does not matter where Buddha was born and fighting over someone who taught non-violence all his life is stupid. However, claiming something that is not yours is not right either.
(( last edited 02/01/2010...))

My Personal War on Terrorism

My Personal War on Terrorism

Its official, I have finally entered the War on Terrorism. It was high time I committed myself to this struggle that President Bush so intelligently thrust us into. And in this war my weapon of choice is- Not shaving my beard. Yup you read it right I am planning to grow a beard every time I am scheduled to fly around.

Now this may seem odd, even weird perhaps, but a better weapon you will not find. Hear me out. Being brown in America and flying around is, let’s just say, not the most enjoyable experience. Every time I decide to take a flight I am asked by my concerned family and friends to take a shave (and I am not even Muslim, I am South Asian, things are a lot difficult for my Muslim friends). And their concerns are justified and appreciated. Growing a beard means that you risk being profiled, have to undergo “random” checks at airport security, basically it a pain in the rear. But by taking a shave I and my fellow beard loving brown people are giving the terrorists and profilers exactly what they want. By taking a shave the only people who lose is us.

We are free men and live in a free country and have as much a right to grow a beard if we so chose as any Tom, Dick and Harry. Shaving the beard in fear of being profiled because some crazy zealot decides to blow up a plane somewhere means that we are giving up our freedom to live and do what and how we please within the jurisdiction of law. It’s like deciding not to wear a red shirt during McCarthyism for the fear of being thought of as a communist. What’s next? Just because many terrorists have black hair we change our hair color? Trust me blonde hair on brown people don’t even look that cool.

We are not terrorists and have nothing to fear. By blowing planes up terrorists want to strike fear into the hearts of people. And if the reason we shave is us being fearful then they succeed in what they set out to do and that is unacceptable.

I mean if you don’t like a keep a beard than by all means shave, but if the only reason you are shaving is your fear of being ostracized than everything that you as a responsible citizen of the world should be fighting for is lost.

So there you have it. I have decided to grow my beard for my next flight and every other flight I take in the near future. This time I support keeping the bush ;-)

Nepal’s Most Horrible People in 2009

Nepal’s Most Horrible People in 2009

Bye Bye 2009, welcome 2010. We takethis opportunity to say farewell to 2009 and look back at some of the most horrible people in Nepal this past year. Here is my list( not in order), please make and rank your own.

Sujata Koirala- Sujata Koirala finds a spot on this list on the basis of her own merit ( for the first time in her life) and not because of her father. This lean ( jk) mean crying machine is both the minister of foreign affairs and the Deputy Prime Minister at the same time, without having to work at all ( unless you call being Girija’s daughter work) . Her determination to make nepotism a part of Nepali politics cannot be emphasized. This amazingly horrible person does not shy away from criticizing her party and its uncomprehending Committee members if need be. Her foreign policy tactics are as much a mystery as her credentials. She enjoys her role as the most powerful women in Nepal and we all appreciate how she thinks she must fly to a new country every second week for reasons only she knows. Speak Out salutes your genuine disregard for refusing to do the right thing.

Karima Begum- This heavyweight stole the limelight late in the year when she slapped a public official and refused to apologize. Her sheer stubbornness and embarrassing interviews have earned her a spot in this list. She was willing to play the “ It’s not my fault I am Muslim women” card in the most effective of manners. She is a symbol of women empowerment in Nepal having inspired millions of women into believing that using violence and then playing the victim card is Ok. She is also accredited with wasting an entire nations time. For this madam we thank you and place you in the list.

Rishi Dhamala- 2009 was all about him. From his arrest early in the year to his inclusion on the UN delegation later on he has stolen limelight (which he is a master at doing) throughout the year. This self created colossus of Nepali Media is an apple of every rotten politician’s eye. A reversal in his arrest over involvement in murder, kidnapping and treason was an issue all parties could agree on. His undying efforts to legitimize illegitimate political behavior for his benefit cannot be described as any other thing but selfish. As one of the greatest dicks of our times his gigantic assholism has left the scribe speechless. Thank you for showing us that if you are important enough to give the politicians what they want they might work for you. We place you in the list and wish you all the best for the future.

Pusha Kamal Dahal a.k.a Prachanda- No list is complete without the “fierce” one. This great man is the first prime minister of the new Nepal. Having promised the nation time and time over during the civil war that when the time comes he himself will never hold any official position in the government he was not ashamed to grab the post when he saw fit. The man has proved time and again that he can fool and lie his way out of most humiliating of circumstance, and still convince people he is the victim. He is a master at passing the blame, foreign forces and royal outfits being his favorite culprits. He is confused about his two names: Pushpa Kamal ( meaning Soft Beautiful Lotus) and Prachanda ( meaning The Fierce One). Much of what he says makes no sense and he reminds everyone of a really fat and ugly Bhuvan K.C. The sheer ugliness of his sweaters are enough to put him on any Worst Person list. Congratulations Sir and I am sure I’ll see you in more of these lists in the future.

Girija Prasad Koirala- The grand old man of Nepali politics has been in his absolute worst his year. From compelling the Prime Minister to appoint his daughter the Deputy Prime Minister to being a royal pain in the butt for everyone including his party member he has been there and done that. This past year is a culmination of decades of hard work at deceiving a nation and cheating his way through much of life. He is a solid pillar of lies, selfishness and political immorality. His great vision of a better Nepal is as boring as his speeches. This long nosed giant with a never give in attitude is an idol to all those who think the country is their fathers property to do as they please without having to answer to anyone. GPK has been included in this list because of his nonchalant attitude towards anything that might help the country prosper. Thank you!

Other notable names include Madav Kumar Nepal, Babu Ram Bhatterai, Vice President Pramanand Jha, Gyanendra Shah, and Matrika Yadav.

Please rank these people as you like.

Rishi Dhamla

Rishi Dhamala is your typical sleazy character. The kind of guy you don’t want to trust but end up trusting anyway cause he knows how to work his way up the ladder. This wanna be journalist/ political activist is friends with almost all major political leaders in Nepal. When he was arrested earlier this year ,for masterminding 3 bomb blasts in Kathmandu, members from all parties united to get his bugger out of jail. Koirala, Prachanda, and Nepal are all pals with this guy. He runs a forum for people to come and debate called The Reporters Club Nepal where from political leaders come and give their version of the story. This “debating” forum provides an opportunity for the leaders to justify their actions in front of journalist, whereby covering their action with a veil of legitimacy. It provides a chance to politicians to offer a cover up. A cover up which is neither debated nor questioned. And by presiding over this cover up providing ceremony he has come to be pally with all those he extends his service to. Don’t get me wrong ,I am all for giving people an opportunity to debate their ideas and providing their version of the truth but the allowing them to go unchallenged seems kind of unreporter like.
He is so liked that the Prime Minister thought it was necessary to add him in his entourage in for the UN Summit. I guess Nepal needed someone who could woo some other fishy characters over. Why on earth would you take this guy as one of the members of your delegation to the UN of all the places? It is like Obama taking the Nigerian Terrorist guy to the UN summit. One has to question why on earth is this guy to liked by everyone in power. First it was the former king who gave him an award of some kind, then Koirala came to his defense when he got arrested, then the home minister (the ministry which in charge of the nations police) Bem Dev Gautam came out and shed a tear on his behalf and even Sujata Koirala, DPM, seems to love him.
Dhamala now plans to join politics (formally) and mess Nepal up in the open. After having failed to write a sensible article he now plans to write a book. But hey he did donate Rs 15,000 for the care of the struggling journalist, I guess that makes everything alright.

Maoist and India- A match made in heaven

http://www.nepalnews.com/main/index.php/news-archive/1-top-story/3030-maoists-ready-to-talk-with-india-instead-of-current-puppet-governmentend-three-day-nationwide-strike.html

Maoist chairman is ready to talk to India about civil supremacy and national sovereignty in Nepal. He further added that by doing so he is actively reducing India's involvement in Nepali politics. Reports suggest that this new strategy of "involving those who you suggest should not be involved" is one of the many grand tricks in Chairman Prachandas bag. Other such thoughtful tricks included: firing the chief of army staff who had couple of months left in his tenure, speaking grandly of him fooling the UN while being video taped, quitting the government after having won the election with a landslide, forming a alliance with RPP and other right parties in the name of national sovereignty.
People are trilled to see what happens next or rather what India will show them next. New Delhi has not responded to this urgent call by the Maoists to aid Nepal with its national sovereignty. However, unconfirmed reports suggest that they don't care and won't really bother about it.
After this historic three day protest that saw the country lose some more of its dignity and millions of rupees, the Maoist leadership rendezvoused in Prachands house in the evening for an ugly sweater party ( every one was dressed prior to the occasion).
Prachanda came in a narrow first ahead of Badal. Dr. Bhattarai who was the judge was reported saying that the chief was first because of three primary factors a) ever successful cliched trick of wearing red to a Maoist rally, b) the sheer ugliness of his sweater, and c) he is the boss.

The Tale of Karima Begum

The Karima Begum- CDO Bhandari saga does not seem to end. And frankly speaking, as a follower of Nepali politics it entertains me. Yes, the entire story makes Nepali politics look ridiculous but, let face it, what does not. This story is a fine refreshment from the daily news of bands, riots, and deadlocks.

Karima Begum, the state minister of Agriculture slapped Chief District Officer Durga Bhandari. The CDO has accused the minister of manhandling him, while the minister has responded with an accusation of “misconduct to her body”. Talk about the fight between bureaucracy and politics.

After having watched Karima Begum’s thunderous interview it was clear that she was angry at the CDO and his apparent incompetence. Although I think Mrs. Begum’s “attempt to pull her into his chamber” argument is shrouded in “bull feces”, the CDO seems to be a complete nincompoop. Clearly he has not been doing his job well. But does he deserve being beaten up and humiliated in public is the question. This saga also raises question on the lack of limitation and judicial restriction of ministerial power and freedom to do what s/he pleases. Karima Begum sees no wrong in what she has done and she will not back down.

However I must congratulate Mrs. Begum for her success and undying efforts to empower the Nepali women and start a new era of revolution. At first Karima Begum seems to be an aggressive women looking for any excuse that would allow her to wriggle herself out of this unwanted limelight. But now it seems she has developed a fondness for this attention. Just look at her blasting the journalists and their questions. Although half of what she says is illogical and nowhere related to the topic at hand, she seems adamant to say what she feels she must. In her search for excuses Mrs. Begum is ready to bring out the much awaited feminist argument. I am sure she could convince us that her slapping the CDO was a valiant attempt to empower the Nepali women. It was a call to arms, she might add. Mrs.Begum has shown that one does not need to be a man to be a thug. Thuggery is based on the policy of nondiscrimination. For this madam you will go down in history as one of the first women thugs in Nepali politics. Congratulation!

Mrs. Begum has suggested that she beat up the CDO because he was no doing his job well. If that is so then I hope Karima Begum’s slapping the CDO was only the first step towards higher goals. Next on her list should be high profile office holders and power players, so MKN, GP, Prachanda beware the hand of wrath. This can start a new era of revolution. A revolution in which people have the liberty to slap anyone who does not do his job. A revolution based on limited violence and complete irradiation of corruption. Thank you Karima for showing us a new inexpensive way to solve so many of our problems.

Go on Karima, go on. Your historic slap can be the start of the beta version of the “new Nepal”, and for this I salute you.